There are some people that love to go clothes shopping.
I am not one of those people.
To me, clothes have two purposes: 1) To cover me up so people don't have to see me naked and 2) To lessen my chances of getting arrested for indecent exposure.
So the clothes I buy are neither fashionable nor expensive. They are pretty much the cheapest things I can get to cover my nakedness, and I pretty much wear the same thing every day. (The clothes change daily, but it's the same basic look. Although, if it were socially acceptable, I would wear the same outfit every day.)
I guess I just hate spending money on clothes for myself. If I have extra money floating around - which is a rarity - the last thing I would want to spend it on is clothes.
Well, I may have to buy some new clothes. I put on my jeans this morning and even after buttoning them up, they slid off my hips and fell to the floor with a denim thud. ("Denim Thud" would be a great rock band name.)
So I waddled over to the closet and grabbed my belt, pulled my pants up again and put the belt on. Even then, my pants still fell down to my mid-hips area.
Out comes the pocket knife with which I make a new hole that would keep my pants around my waist where they belong.
But that's not all. My 2-3XL shirts look like tents on me. When I put on my suit for church, I look like an 8-year-old kid wearing his dad's suit for dress-up. My socks that are used to being pulled up over meaty calves - another great band name - now fall down like old lady nylons around my ankles.
Even my watch flips around on my wrist.
Yet with all this happening, that voice in my head that sounds a little like Elvis says, "Sure, you need new clothes, but you are still trying to lose another 60 pounds to reach your goal.. Why spend the money now when you'll just need to buy clothes again soon enough?"
And you know what? That voice that sounds a little like Elvis makes sense.
Although, he's not the one wearing pants that could fall down at any given moment, leading to an arrest for indecent exposure.
I am not one of those people.
To me, clothes have two purposes: 1) To cover me up so people don't have to see me naked and 2) To lessen my chances of getting arrested for indecent exposure.
So the clothes I buy are neither fashionable nor expensive. They are pretty much the cheapest things I can get to cover my nakedness, and I pretty much wear the same thing every day. (The clothes change daily, but it's the same basic look. Although, if it were socially acceptable, I would wear the same outfit every day.)
I guess I just hate spending money on clothes for myself. If I have extra money floating around - which is a rarity - the last thing I would want to spend it on is clothes.
Well, I may have to buy some new clothes. I put on my jeans this morning and even after buttoning them up, they slid off my hips and fell to the floor with a denim thud. ("Denim Thud" would be a great rock band name.)
So I waddled over to the closet and grabbed my belt, pulled my pants up again and put the belt on. Even then, my pants still fell down to my mid-hips area.
Out comes the pocket knife with which I make a new hole that would keep my pants around my waist where they belong.
But that's not all. My 2-3XL shirts look like tents on me. When I put on my suit for church, I look like an 8-year-old kid wearing his dad's suit for dress-up. My socks that are used to being pulled up over meaty calves - another great band name - now fall down like old lady nylons around my ankles.
Even my watch flips around on my wrist.
Yet with all this happening, that voice in my head that sounds a little like Elvis says, "Sure, you need new clothes, but you are still trying to lose another 60 pounds to reach your goal.. Why spend the money now when you'll just need to buy clothes again soon enough?"
And you know what? That voice that sounds a little like Elvis makes sense.
Although, he's not the one wearing pants that could fall down at any given moment, leading to an arrest for indecent exposure.
You are right. Elvis had the exact opposite problem. He had indecent jumpsuit exposure.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your inner voice needs to sound (and look) more like Bruce Springsteen.
Congrats on being able to drop your pants at a moment's notice! Wait, that didn't quite come out sounding correct... :)
How about D.I. or Savers? that is a way to get "temporary clothes"?
ReplyDelete